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For some, life hasn’t yet begun.
For some it is only a preparation of joy and happiness that lies ahead. A person’s optimism about their own future can play a cruel joke on them.
What is it?
As a result of delayed life syndrome, a person perceives his life as preparation for some important event that will take place in the future. This is the event he believes will make him truly happy and enable him to live a full life. Although it is not officially a disease or a mental disorder, delayed life syndrome can negatively impact a person.
This phenomenon is vividly illustrated by Rudyard Kipling’s representations of the British, who served in colonial India for 20-30 years at the end of the 19th century and the beginning of the 20th century. They deeply believed that their real lives would only begin when they returned to England and acquired a house in the countryside, surrounded by idyllic scenery and friendly neighbors.
Researchers suggested that postponed life syndrome could be common among a wide range of people. There is a possibility that you have it as well. These thoughts and attitudes can lead you to suspect it:
- Everything will work out when we buy an apartment;
- Now, all that matters is earning more money;
- “I’m doing everything to make sure my children have a decent future”;
- It is my life’s mission to win this race;
- Be patient, I need five more years – and then we’ll move to Thailand;
- “I will only be happy when I am a CEO”;
- “I can’t go anywhere and date anyone while I’m fat”;
- I can’t even afford a dog under the current circumstances.”
What causes
As a result of professional activities. Working rotating shifts, creative activities, high positions, and managing businesses are among the activities which, according to cultural and social stereotypes, require full concentration of effort and renunciation.
As a result of living in difficult natural conditions. As an example, in regions with extreme climatic conditions – too cold or hot – or with poor ecology.
As a result of an unfavorable socioeconomic environment. Many people who have difficulty arranging a comfortable day-to-day lifestyle maintain psychological health by believing that some positive event will improve things in the future.
Due to psychological factors. Lack of emotional resources, self-doubt, trauma experiences, and peculiarities of upbringing can all contribute to reluctance to take responsibility for one’s life.
What are the risks?
People with Delayed Living Syndrome may engage in behaviors that negatively impact their lives.
The first type of behavior. The person completely concentrates on achieving his goal and excludes everything that could interfere with it. A classic example is athletes who, in preparation for important competitions, limit communication with friends and family, and adhere to strict diet and training regimens. There are other groups of people characterized by this type of behavior, such as managers of various levels and business owners involved in its management, artists and entertainers – all those in whom workaholism and dedication to one’s goal are accepted and encouraged.
The second type of behavior. Focusing on the needs and goals of others. Often, mothers, housewives, or spouses of influential public figures or artists exhibit this trait. In order for their loved ones to live in comfort and fully realize themselves, they often give up their interests, since they believe that their own life is not that important at the moment.
The third type of behavior. Passively waiting for an event that will change life dramatically in the future. It means the person stops taking active steps to improve their current position, grow and develop professionally or personally. The common description for such people is that they “go with the flow.”
Each of these behaviors is dangerous because it impoverishes a person’s life. The person either refuses to achieve other personal goals, considering them unimportant, or does not take any steps to develop professionally or personally and does not seek to build relationships.
Constant restriction can lead to relapse, which is often displayed by rash financial decisions. Imagine that a person takes out a mortgage that is too high for him to buy a coveted apartment. Alternatively, he may become increasingly dissatisfied with the way his life is going and a deficit of positive emotions occurs. Burnout, depression, and anxiety result from this.
Even achieving a goal can lead to frustration. The joy of finally achieving a goal lasts only a short time. Life’s changes, as a rule, don’t live up to expectations.
What you should do with it
Step one. You need to understand what the delayed life syndrome is costing you. Compile a list of everything you sacrificed to achieve your main life goal. In addition, a list of problems that resulted from this kind of behavior. Then, honestly ask yourself: are you willing to continue to make such sacrifices for an illusory future?
Step two. If you want to achieve a goal in life, develop a detailed plan that will help you to accomplish it. Put it into practice. Try to change your attitude at the same time: once you have achieved your goal, you will feel only satisfaction. It feels good. However, it won’t make you happy forever. Consequently, sacrificing everything for the sake of achieving the goal is not a good idea.
Step three. It has been found that the more often a person experiences positive emotions – not necessarily strong and vivid ones – the more satisfied he or she will be with their life. List the things that make you happy and what you enjoy. Make it a part of your daily routine. Taking out a beautiful service from the closet and using it regularly is an excellent example.
Step four. Take a moment to think about the things you’ve always wanted to do, but haven’t been able to do because it’s not the right time. Try to implement something from this list. It’s best to start small – this will help overcome the internal resistance caused by the habit of constantly limiting yourself.
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