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Surely among your acquaintances there is a person who constantly gives unsolicited advice. And constantly interferes in other people’s affairs. And if you refuse his help, he gets offended. These are the main signs of the savior syndrome. We will talk about it in the new edition of the guide to psychology
What is it?
The savior syndrome is a type of behavior characterized by the constant desire to help others, even at the cost of one’s own interests and desires. Society usually encourages it, but it often complicates life for people with the syndrome, lowering their quality of life and hindering the building of meaningful relationships with others. In the long term, it can lead to psychological disorders.
It is believed that this psychological phenomenon was first described in the 1960s by American doctor Steven Carpman. He viewed it as one of three types of behavior that can manifest within abusive relationships. When one person plays the role of the tormentor, the second plays the role of the victim, and the third plays the role of the superhero who tries to save her. Carpman believed that this help was not selfless. In exchange for help, the superhero expects gratitude and attention from the victim, thus supporting his self-esteem and sense of significance.
Despite the fact that the Karpman model is still used by psychologists and psychotherapists, it is increasingly being criticized. The main complaint is that it has not been experimentally confirmed. At the same time, the existence of the rescuer syndrome is usually not denied. In fact, it is believed that people inclined to this type of behavior strive to demonstrate it not only in personal relationships but also in any interaction with others.
Typically, a person with the rescuer syndrome takes any opportunity to give advice. Without hesitation, he gets involved in conflicts. He takes on others’ tasks and agrees to perform a difficult task to relieve others of it. He starts solving someone else’s problems without being asked. At first glance, such behavior inspires respect. However, the problem is that the rescuer does not care if the person he is helping actually needs it. The main thing for him is to fulfill his inner need to appease someone. He often imposes his help almost violating personal boundaries, which can lead to negative consequences.
The savior syndrome may be expressed in thoughts and phrases such as:
- “I’ll do anything for you”;
- “I just couldn’t walk by”;
- “It’s not my business, but I can’t watch you suffer”;
- “If I don’t help someone, I’ll be responsible for their problems starting”;
- “Yes, I’m tired. But someone has to do it”;
- “People’s lives depend on me!”;
- “They can’t manage without me”;
- “If I have the strength to help, I have to do it”;
- “They’re all doing it wrong. I have to tell them.”
Why does it occur?
Most experts agree that the tendency to develop the savior syndrome is laid in childhood. For example, if parents neglect their child and ignore their needs, then as an adult, he may unconsciously try to correct this by surrounding other people with excessive care and attention that he himself desperately needs. In psychology, this mechanism of transferring one’s own needs to others is called transference.
There are also other factors that lead to the development of the savior syndrome.
Narcissism. It is a personality trait expressed as an increased self-love and confidence in one’s own exclusiveness. The narcissist does not doubt that he is smarter, more experienced, and more talented than those around him. He often wants to demonstrate this and does so by constantly helping weaker and, in his opinion, foolish people.
Increased empathy and anxiety. Due to past trauma or natural tendencies, some people become too receptive to the emotions of others. When they experience fear, anger, pain, they find it difficult to bear. By helping others and resolving their problems, overly empathetic people relieve themselves of inner discomfort and normalize their psychological state.
Low self-esteem. By constantly helping others, a person receives confirmation of their own significance and increases their faith in their own strength.
What might be the problem?
One of the common problems faced by people with the “rescuer syndrome” is burnout. They usually spend too much time and internal resources helping others and don’t allow themselves to rest. For example, a typical rescuer may stay late at work to complete someone else’s work during the week and volunteer at shelters on the weekends. As a result, their body doesn’t have enough time to recover. This eventually leads to complete exhaustion of emotional and physical strength.
This is compounded by the fact that the emotional state of the superhero often depends on the success of their rescue operations. If they fail to help someone, they begin to torment themselves with feelings of guilt. And if their help is not accepted, they become angry. This only increases stress levels and brings burnout closer.
Another challenge is that focusing on the needs of others slows down the development of rescuers. They simply don’t have the time or energy to deal with their fears and emotions, and start to realize their own plans. In the future, this can lead to a sharp sense of unfulfilled potential and even depression. The rescuer syndrome often deforms the person’s social relationships. Constant care from the person becomes tiring for colleagues and acquaintances, and they start to avoid them. Over time, psychologists note that rescuers form a specific circle of communication, consciously or unconsciously surrounding themselves with people who really need support. Those who constantly complain about life and need to be sympathized with, or regularly ask for help in household matters they can handle themselves. Communication with such friends brings a lot of negative emotions. And when the rescuer himself needs help, they are usually unable to provide it.
What can be done?
Since the savior syndrome often arises from unresolved psychological problems, the best way to cope with it is considered to be psychotherapy. The specialist will help to understand the relationships with parents and oneself, to become aware of one’s own inner needs, to learn to build honest and sincere relationships with others.
But you can try to help yourself on your own. There are several ways:
- Start respecting other people’s boundaries. Don’t give advice and don’t start solving other people’s problems if you are not asked to. If the desire to do so is too great – first ask the person if they need help.
- Take care of your physical condition. Don’t neglect rest, go on vacation and learn to relax on weekends. Sleep regularly and exercise. Remember that taking care of yourself is your direct responsibility. If the resources of the body are depleted, this will inevitably lead to an emotional crisis, which will be difficult to get out of.
- Remember that you are also important, like those around you. So you have every right to meet your needs. Make a list of what you need and want. Then start gradually implementing your desires in life and realizing your plans.
- Change your circle of communication. If you understand that the people around you are consciously manipulating your desire to help them, try to establish healthier boundaries and distance yourself from those individuals.
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