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How to synchronize with a partner and make an orgasm brighter by understanding the body.
Developing better sex requires that you understand what influences it. It is a difficult task because sexuality is multi-layered and formed under the influence of many factors. Among them are societal norms, parental beliefs, body aversions, and age-related hormonal changes. A sexologist and a psychologist can help you deal with them. Alternatively, you can start by learning how your body works.
Orgasm and male age
Getting started with age, it affects not just appearance, but also sex in different ways for women and men. When testosterone levels rise in the body during puberty, male sexual activity begins to gain momentum. Its peak values are around 17 years old. After the age of 40, testosterone levels gradually decline by about 1.5% per year. Due to this, libido can decrease: you will want less sex, it will take longer to get aroused, erections may become weaker, and orgasms may not be as intense.
Slackening of libido – whether it’s related to aging or not – does not mean that sex needs to get worse. The situation can be improved by examining your sexuality. The main method used is conscious masturbation. Aim is to maximize use of the body and senses without chasing orgasms. Chris Donaghue, sex therapist and author of Sex Outside the Lines, explains that masturbation is a neurological link between the body and arousal. Following the pattern, only certain stimuli – and they are few – will be pleasurable. As for conscious masturbation, it provides a unique experience that changes the brain and expands sexual horizons.
– Do something you’ve never tried before and see how it feels. While conscious masturbating, pay attention to sensations of touch and changes in speed and intensity. According to Donaghue, you should do everything you usually do not do or limit yourself to due to stereotypes. Imagine you are used to watching porn while masturbating. Replace it then with fantasies. Try out different lubricants and sex toys, and don’t be afraid of vibrators: men who use them with a partner or solo have stronger erections and are more satisfied with sex.
– Identify new erogenous zones on the body. Try touching your calves, thighs, shoulders, stomach, and buttocks in different ways. A massage with oils can be a nice addition to the process if you give yourself one or if you ask your partner to do so. Another option is the Wartenberg Needle Wheel: run it over your body and increase the pressure where it feels most comfortable.
– Practice mindfulness outside of bed. Meditation reduces anxiety due to sex problems, and can help with a lot of problems – from low libido to premature ejaculation. Mindfulness practices also lead to being present, feeling the body better and enjoying sex. Studies show benefit for situational erectile dysfunction.
– Strengthen the pubococcygeus muscle. The Kegel exercises, which train the muscles of the pelvic floor, are typically recommended for women. There is less evidence that they are useful for men. However, those that are, report better erection, slower ejaculation, and higher intensity of orgasm [1, 2, 3]. You can find the pubococcygeus muscle by interrupting the urination process. This is made possible by the muscle you are looking for. You should contract and keep it tight during exercise without relying on your abs or glutes. A detailed instruction.
Orgasm and woman’s age
There are several hormones that contribute to sexual desire in females, including estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone. While all of these are important for libido, estrogen is usually considered the mastermind behind the sex drive. A peak in its concentration usually occurs around age 20. In other words, girls have the greatest desire for sexual activity. during this age However, penisovaginal orgasms are more likely to occur as estrogen levels decline, in their 30s or 40s. Osmo Kontula, a Finnish sexologist and sociologist, discovered this when he analyzed several national FINSEX surveys of women aged 18 to 80.
According to the researcher, there is a psychological explanation for the paradox: attitudes towards orgasm, sexual self-esteem, and open communication with partners. Sex therapist Jan Kerner explains that 30-year-old women already know what turns them on and what repels them, and they know how to tell their partner about it. Additionally, they have more social and psychological support to assert their boundaries in sex and not do what they do not like. Furthermore, they are often in long-term relationships, and trust in a partner helps to stimulate more orgasms. Yet this is only an average picture: some have it all by 20 while others don’t even have it by 30.
As women enter menopause, estrogen and testosterone levels drop, and libido may diminish. Furthermore, low estrogen can lead to vaginal dryness, which makes regular sex practices unpleasant. However, not all women experience this. Some women actually experience an increase in testosterone and libido during menopause. Problems with vaginal lubrication may not result from aging but from taking certain medications, such as antidepressants.
What can we learn from this data? Firstly, a high level of sex hormones and age alone do not make sex better or worse. Being confident about yourself and your body, knowing what practices and what stimulations give you pleasure and being able to talk about them, as well as giving up what you do not want, is much more important.
– Develop sexual awareness. We are talking about those qualities which let you be confident in sex. Clinical psychologist Alexandra Solomon recommends training mindfulness through mindfulness practices, speaking honestly with a partner about sex, and monitoring internal monologue during sexual interaction. Replace the inner critic’s voice, for instance, with “It’s okay. Relax. You’re safe.”
– Examine the body carefully. As with men, it’s important for women to masturbate and explore themselves, regardless of their age. Turning masturbation into a conscious act is a simple matter of being in the moment, being attentive to feelings and thoughts, and trying new things. You can find advice on the female body in “Come as You Are“, written by sexologist Emily Nagoski. Also check out Laurie Mintz’s “Becoming Cliterate“, which includes exercises, research links, and a cultural context.
– Reformat your sexual routine. Physiological changes can be compensated for. Consider a situation where libido has decreased, touch sensitivity has decreased, and becoming aroused is more difficult. You can lengthen the foreplay, discover new erogenous zones and include in sex what makes stimulation more intense: special gels for the lips and nipples, lubricants with special effects, massage oils, sex toys – partner and solo. By the way, masturbation increases testosterone and libido levels. For dryness, apply some lubricant.
The biorhythms of men and women
The level of sex hormones and libido is closely related to biorhythms. You can “hack” an orgasm by synchronizing sex with them. To begin with, we are talking about circadian rhythms, which last about a day. It looks like this for men: testosterone peaks around 8-9 am. Not only do they wake up more focused. Sexual desire, erections, and orgasms are also stronger. During the day, testosterone levels gradually decrease, reaching a minimum by evening. In women, sexual activity peaks in second half of the day when estrogen and testosterone levels reach the maximum in the blood.
Biorhythms seem simple enough: men are more interested in sex in the first half of the day, women in the second. However, this is only the influence of the circadian rhythm. There are also infradian rhythms which last longer than 24 hours. One of them is a woman’s menstrual cycle. Scientists believe men have similar hormonal cycles: monthly (that are associated with the moon) or seasonal (with a drop in testosterone in summer and a maximum level of the hormone in late autumn). However, their existence has not been proven, so let’s focus on women instead.
Women’s libido peaks during the periovulatory period, shortly before and during ovulation. This is due to luteinizing hormones and estrogens: they stimulate sexual desire, increase blood circulation in genital regions, and increase the secretion of mucus in the vagina, which makes sexual intercourse easier and more enjoyable. Therefore, orgasms in the periovulatory period are particularly bright.
The lowest point of libido typically occurs immediately after menstruation, because estrogen levels are low. Desire may decrease in the second phase of your cycle, and right before your period. Increasing levels of progesterone, the hormone that prepares the body for pregnancy, are contributing to this. The process of getting aroused may be more difficult and vaginal dryness may be a concern. However, in some women, sexual desire after menstruation may increase. During menstruation, some people notice they have the greatest level of libido.
– In sex practice, consider the menstrual cycle. As an example, if your libido is low before or after menstruation, but you wish to have fun, you should use more lubricant and prolong foreplay. Toward the end of the cycle, intercourse can be painful. Keeping this in mind, you can choose your most comfortable pose. When you want sex during your period, be sure to use a lubricant (menstrual blood will not replace lubrication) and a condom (the risk of infection transmission is especially high).
– Learn how the cycle and other factors influence orgasm. To do so, you can use the Lioness smart vibrator, which measures muscle contractions and relaxations – indicators of arousal and orgasm. The app builds an orgasm chart and tracks information such as cycle day, stress level, amount of sleep, alcohol and caffeine intake, medications. By comparing the data for a week or a month, you can see what impacts orgasm. For example, certain days of the menstrual cycle are more intense than others. In the absence of coffee, it may come faster. By knowing this, you can improve your orgasm. The Magic dante penile ring is a similar gadget for men.
Loop of Partner Sex Reactions
The next step in orgasm hacking is to sync the biorhythm with the sexual response cycle. The sexual response cycle describes the physiological and emotional changes during sex in a step-by-step manner. There are several models of sex responses, but Alice Vitti prefers the four-phase model. The method was developed in 1966 by William Masters and Virginia Johnson, two researchers well known from the television show Masters of Sex. The model does not consider emotions, only physiology.
Hence, the arousal stage of the sex response cycle is the first step. During an erotic stimulus, physical or mental, blood rushes to the pelvic organs, the pulse rises, and breathing becomes faster. Body prep for sex: labia and clitoris swell in women, and erections and lubrication are experienced by men. The plateau stage follows. Breathing and pulse are getting faster, and the body is becoming more sensitive. Dopamine and adrenaline are increased and anxiety is reduced. Orgasm is the third stage during which we discharge. Brains produce a large amount of neurotransmitters of happiness: serotonin, dopamine and oxytocin. Refractory, the last period: our bodies begin to calm down.
– Synchronize stages with your partner. Women and men experience all stages of sex reaction. Knowing who is on which stage can help you improve sex. If one partner is just warming up, and the other is already reached plateau stage, the second partner can slow down a little: change the stimulation style to a less intense one, breathe consciously for a few minutes, or switch attention. This way you can synchronize the cycles of sexual reactions and experience an orgasm at the same time. The main tools are a conscious feeling of your body and talking with your partner. Saying, “Slow down, I’m reaching peak,” would be an example.
– While masturbating or having sex, extend the plateau stage. Alice Vitti recommends stretching the plateau for 20 minutes once or twice a week, since at this stage the body produces less cortisol and norepinephrine and more oxytocin and nitric oxide. The extension of the plateau should intensify orgasm and benefit the immune and hormonal systems. Such studies have not been done, so Vitti’s calculations do not have any scientific backing. But you can try it out and see if you like it – and your partner if you choose to do so together.
How can a plateau be maintained? Be aware of your triggers. Maybe you are reading an article about sex or watching pornography. Or fly away into erotic fantasy or touch erogenous zones. To remain on the plateau, use observations. When in this stage and feeling close to orgasm, stop stimulation, avoid stimuli that excite you, and focus on deep breathing.
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