How to develop a sense of humor: 5 tips

Even when someone is not in the mood for jokes, they can find humor in life. Some people may believe that they are unable to make funny jokes, or that humor is not useful. However, modern science shows that humor can help individuals in tough situations and improve relationships. Furthermore, everyone can develop their sense of humor. Here’s how to do it.

Why do we need a sense of humor?

Scientists define a sense of humor as comprising six essential elements:

1. The cognitive capacity to generate jokes.
2. The ability to comprehend and take pleasure in others’ jokes.
3. A habit of laughing and joking.
4. A positive outlook.
5. The ability to find wonder in one’s surroundings.
6. A tendency to employ humor in difficult circumstances.

A sense of humor is the aptitude to appreciate and create amusing aspects of life. Psychologists and anthropologists view it as an important social tool that facilitates building and strengthening relationships, alleviates stress during conflicts, and at times even resolves them.

Having the ability to tell good jokes is beneficial for leadership. A study conducted in the late 1980s found that subordinates who perceived their boss as having a good sense of humor were 15% more content with their job and 27% more motivated than those under the leadership of dull bosses.

Furthermore, a recent scientific study has shown that humor can be a useful tool in combating the “January blues” – a sudden dip in productivity and mood among employees following the New Year and Christmas holidays.

Romantic relationships are also heavily influenced by a sense of humor. Psychologist Robert Provine analyzed 3745 personal ads seeking partners in 1996 and discovered that women prefer men who can make them laugh, while men prefer women who appreciate their sense of humor. Furthermore, studies have shown that relationships where partners frequently joke and laugh with each other tend to be more stable.

Maintaining emotional well-being also depends on a sense of humor, specifically on two of its facets: laughter and the ability to take life lightly. In 2010, American scientists conducted a study with two groups of elderly volunteers. The first group received humorous therapy, where they were told jokes and funny stories daily for two months. Meanwhile, the second group of grandmothers and grandfathers continued with their regular activities.

At the conclusion of the experiment, participants who engaged in daily laughter felt 42% happier, according to their self-evaluations, than they did at the outset. Compared to the control group, they experienced a 32% increase in happiness. Additionally, their chronic pain decreased, and their feelings of loneliness subsided.

Humor is beneficial at any stage of life. Other studies indicate that it can alleviate stress and anxiety, restore confidence and a sense of control, and potentially alleviate symptoms of depression while improving immune and cardiovascular function. Nevertheless, scientists need to conduct further research to confirm these findings.

Why does laughter affect us so much?

According to evolutionary psychologists, laughter served as a signal of safety for early humans, indicating that they could relax and rest without fear. While we now inhabit vastly different environments, the brain still recognizes the significance of this signal. Thus, when we laugh, particularly in the presence of others, we typically experience joy and a sense of relief from our concerns.

Not only humans can laugh, but other living creatures as well. Primates and rats, for instance, produce sounds that reflect positive emotions. However, rats’ laughter occurs at frequencies that are beyond the range of human hearing.

Scientists assert that chimpanzees and rats possess an inherent capacity for laughter, much like humans. Infants, for example, begin producing laughter-like sounds at around three to four months old. A sense of humor emerges in tandem with the development of fundamental cognitive abilities, including language, imagination, and the capacity to view things and events from diverse perspectives.

This process persists throughout adulthood, with different things amusing us at different stages of life. Moreover, this does not cease as we grow older, implying that it is possible to cultivate a sense of humor at any age.

Here are some recommendations to aid in this pursuit.

Tip #1 – Learn useful types of humor

American psychologists Rod Martin and Patricia Doris revealed the outcomes of their extensive research in 2003 – a survey that can ascertain the sort of humor individuals prefer based on their personality traits and psychological needs. Martin and Doris recognized a total of four humor types.

Affiliative

Affiliative jokes are based on universally funny jokes that are easily comprehensible to many individuals within your social circle and are likely to elicit laughter. When you share a meme with a colleague or recount a humorous incident that occurred among friends, you are making an affiliative joke.

Self-enhancing

Comedian Michel Wolf uses the ability to laugh at oneself and the absurdity happening around them in his monologue about running. He jokingly admits, “I run every day. I have no idea why I train, because I don’t acquire any physical skills. Running at a trot might come in handy if someone tries to rob me, chasing me for three to five kilometers at a moderately slow pace.”

Aggressive

Using sarcasm, harsh criticism, ridicule of other people, and veiled insults.

Self-defeating

Psychologists suggest that people often use self-deprecating humor as a means of self-defense, seeking approval from others or protecting themselves from harsher ridicule.

Although individuals typically combine various types of humor, they usually have a tendency towards a specific one. Taking a test can help identify one’s humor style, which is essential as not all types of humor have the same benefits for social life and mental health. For instance, aggressive humor can quickly damage friendships and romantic relationships, while self-deprecating humor can increase stress levels. Conversely, affiliative and self-enhancing humor offer numerous advantages, such as strengthening social connections, aiding in coping with grief, and helping individuals overcome life’s difficulties.

TIP #2 – Understand the mechanics of a good joke.

The authors of the benign violation theory and experts in marketing psychology, Peter McGraw and Caleb Warren, believe that people are most often amused by something that violates their ideas of normality. But at the same time – this is an important condition – it poses no real danger to anyone and falls within the framework of the criminal code.

The easiest way to construct a joke that meets these conditions is to combine the incompatible. In the book “Humor is serious business,” psychology professors Jennifer Aaker and Naomi Bagdonas give an example of this technique. Once, office employee Darya sent a report to her boss, accompanied by the following message:

• “Saagar, I am sending you the updated report in the attachment. Remembering our morning conversation, I think this will be a great help in starting a conversation with the management. Let me know if the report needs further work, or if it now matches my hairstyle, i.e., perfect.”

Another effective comedic technique is hyperbole, exaggeration. Here’s an example of it from comedian John Malaney’s monologue:

• Recently, I visited a massage at a spa salon. I entered the room, and the masseuse asked me to undress to a comfortable level. So I put on a sweater and velvet pants and felt completely safe.

Aaker and Bagdonas highlight several conditions for a good joke. For example, it should be based on what is real, truthful, and sincere: what actually happens or happened, or on what you really feel at the moment.

As an example, Aaker and Bagdonas cite a joke by Merit America CEO Connor Diemand-Yauman, which he used during the company’s annual meeting with employees in 2020. At that time, due to the COVID pandemic, it was held on Zoom. Before it started, Diemand-Yauman was worried: he had to say something encouraging and optimistic to his employees, but he didn’t know how to do it sincerely and non-clichéd.

So at the beginning of his speech, Diemand-Yauman turned on the screen sharing function for everyone and began typing in Google the query “what do inspiring CEOs say to their employees in difficult times.” The listeners laughed.

Diemand-Yauman built the joke on his own sincere confusion: he really wanted to say something encouraging, but couldn’t find the right words. And he expressed it in a ridiculous form that violates the notions of how a CEO should behave.

TIP #3 – Allow yourself to be funny.

Many people have a great sense of humor, but they don’t use it because they’re afraid their jokes will come across as silly or not funny. It’s important to overcome this fear.

Remember that coming up with a joke is a complex, intellectually demanding task. Many parts of your brain are involved in this process. And the fact that you’ve managed to come up with something even slightly funny says a lot about your intellectual abilities.

Moreover, research shows that even an appropriate and non-offensive joke, even if not funny, still puts you in a favorable light: you start to seem like a confident person to those around you – and they automatically start to like you. So it’s better to take a risk than not to joke at all. Even if people around you don’t burst out laughing, it doesn’t mean the joke was unsuccessful.

According to Aaker and Bagdonas, this strategy works especially well at boring meetings, conferences, and formal dinners. That is, when people are so bored that they’re ready to laugh at anything.

TIP #4 – Find a joke partner.

The ability to tell jokes is a skill. And in order to develop it in yourself, you need to practice regularly. One of the most effective ways to do this is to promise someone that you will tell them a joke every day.

Agree with someone with whom you are most comfortable that once a day you will tell them a joke. And no matter what happens, do it.

This approach will make you more responsible and disciplined. Knowing that you are required to come up with a new joke every day, you will be forced to develop what is called a comic perspective, the ability to find something funny in your surroundings.

It will be easier for you if you start keeping a humor journal: writing down in a notebook or file funny situations that you have been in or witnessed, thoughts that amuse you, and new jokes.

Studies show that this practice will not only train your brain to notice humor and focus on it. It will also literally make you calmer and more satisfied with life in just a few weeks.

There is an important condition: try to tell your daily joke to your partner in person. Or at least over the phone. Intonation and facial expressions can add humor and make the joke more effective.

Tip #5 – Improve your sense of humor.

Start spending more time with people who genuinely make you laugh and with whom you feel at ease. Interacting with them will automatically boost your mood and reduce anxiety levels, making it easier for you to come up with jokes and tell them.

If such a person is missing from your life, focus on humorous content instead. Follow TikTokers who make you laugh, watch as many comedy series and movies as possible, and read funny books.

This way, you’ll not only make your day more enjoyable, but also begin to develop your sense of humor and better understand which topics and comedic techniques really make you laugh, and which leave you indifferent. You can use all this to come up with your own jokes.