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Some people are convinced that they were born unlucky.
For them, life is an endless succession of misfortunes, and other people are predominantly enemies. Such beliefs are called a victim mentality. We talk about what it is in the next edition of the psyche guide.
What is victim mentality?
The term “victim mentality” is widely used in popular psychology. It denotes a person’s tendency to blame external circumstances and other people for their problems, and to focus only on the bad things that happen to them.
A person with a victim mentality doesn’t take responsibility for their actions. They justify them with unfavorable conditions, an unjust society, cruelty from others, or just chronic bad luck.
American researchers discovered an example of victim mentality among criminals: some of them are convinced that they committed crimes not of their own choice, but because they grew up in a criminogenic environment and simply had no opportunity to avoid breaking the law.
In the future, people with a victim mentality typically also view things fatalistically: they are convinced that they are destined to only encounter difficulties for the rest of their lives. Therefore, it makes no sense to make an effort to improve their lives. And if someone offers them ways to solve their problems, they will immediately find numerous reasons why they will not work.
People with a victim mentality often have the following thoughts and attitudes:
- “Everyone is against me!”
- “What can I do if I’m always unlucky?”
- “We are not like this – life is like that.”
- “Why do only bad things happen to me? What did I do to deserve this?”
- “My life is a continuous series of sufferings.”
- “Well yes, I worked for half a day for free. But what other options did I have – those are their rules.”
- “Everyone doesn’t give a damn about me.”
- “They made me act incorrectly!”
- “Well, I am a small person. What can I do?”
- “You destroyed my entire life!”
What are the Root Causes of Victim Mentality?
Due to traumatic childhood experience.
For example, because of violence from adults or bullying from peers. Faced with such situations, a child is often unable to defend themselves. And if they do not receive timely help, they may form the belief that life is structured in such a way that they can be hurt at any moment and for no apparent reason. And the child themselves cannot fix this.
Such a belief system can be useful for a child in the moment: it helps them adapt to unbearable conditions and minimizes damage to their psyche. However, it does not allow them to develop healthier defense mechanisms. For example, believing that they can control their own life, make decisions, protect themselves, punish offenders, try to improve their lives, and increase its quality.
Due to the ideas about the world received from parents.
In the first years of development, a child always unconsciously adopts models of behavior, basic beliefs, values, and the worldview of parents. If someone among them has a strongly expressed victim mentality, the child may adopt it. And keep it into adulthood.
What Risks Are Associated with Having a Victim Mentality?
In some cases, the victim mentality can even be advantageous. It allows a person to avoid the stress associated with making important decisions and simply go with the flow. Constantly telling stories about one’s troubles and complaints, which people with a victim mentality tend to do, helps them manipulate others in their own interests and receive enough sympathy, attention, and support from them.
But these advantages are unlikely to compensate for the problems that the mentality of a victim leads to. People who have it are easily susceptible to negative thoughts and tend to exaggerate the dangers that threaten them. This intensifies their anxiety, which can be alternating with periods of sadness and bad mood. Because of this, people with a victim mentality are prone to self-destructive behavior.
Another problem is that the victim mentality usually makes a person strive with all their might to maintain their current status quo. Any change in their life, in their opinion, can lead to unpredictable and possibly negative consequences. This leads to self-sabotage. For example, a person may not take a new, more interesting job even if it’s offered to them, or they may refuse a highly-paid but more responsible position. As a result, it becomes difficult for them to realize themselves in life, and they suffer from frustration and dissatisfaction with themselves.
Difficulties also arise in relationships with others. A person with a victim mentality, due to the trauma experienced, often cannot fully trust other people. They are inclined to accuse them of unfair treatment at the slightest opportunity, which leads to conflicts.
In addition, a person with a victim mentality perceives any criticism as an attempt to hurt them. Therefore, they react extremely painfully – and often aggressively – to it.
Strategies for Overcoming a Victim Mentality
The victim mentality is not an innate trait, but an acquired one. To get rid of the victim mentality, one needs to cultivate the belief in oneself that you have at least some control over your life and the right to it. And stop being afraid of responsibility.
The best way to do this is to see a psychologist or psychotherapist. A specialist will teach you adaptive techniques that can replace the victim mentality. They will help you thoroughly understand the underlying internal attitudes. And finally, they will tell you about ways to reduce anxiety when making decisions.
There are also several ways to work independently with internal settings. You can start with this:
- Every time you want to avoid making a decision, analyze the risks of different scenarios and try to separate your fears from the real facts. This will help you realize how often emotions, rather than existing problems, influence your actions.
- Analyze whether the belief that you cannot control anything in life is fair. Remember cases when you allowed yourself to make a choice and after that everything turned out successfully. It can be something insignificant. But it will still show you that you are capable of taking responsibility for your life and making choices independently.
- Allow yourself to say “no” in response to illegal demands, violation of your rights, and requests that you don’t want to fulfill. Refuse to do things that don’t correspond with your values, ethical beliefs, and interests. And try to remind yourself more often that you have the full right to all of this.
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