Understanding and Overcoming Learned Helplessness

“Learned helplessness” refers to the idea that individuals can become conditioned to believe they are unable to control or change certain aspects of their lives, leading them to feel helpless and give up on trying. It can be overcome by recognizing and changing negative thought patterns, setting small, achievable goals, and taking action towards those goals.

What is learned helplessness

The term speaks for itself. Learned helplessness is a condition, thinking and behavior characterized by the fact that a person behaves helplessly – that is, passively: does not improve the negative conditions of his life, even when he has the opportunity. Why is helplessness learned? Because this condition is caused by previous life experiences in which a person really didn’t have a chance to influence things that didn’t suit him or her. This phenomenon was discovered by the American psychologist Martin Seligman in 1967. He conducted experiments on dogs, and later his results were confirmed in studies involving humans.”

Symptoms of learned helplessness

It’s important to note that learned helplessness is not a disease, but a condition. Therefore, there are no specific diagnostic criteria for it like there are for diseases. However, certain signs can indicate the presence of learned helplessness.

An example of learned helplessness can be seen in a woman who is unable to leave an abusive relationship, as it seems impossible to her. This may be due to her past experiences, as her parents were also in a similar relationship and her mother never took any steps to leave.

A graduating high school student does not go to college, even though he would like to. He doesn’t think about what he can accomplish, because he did poorly in school, even when he tried (although he tried a long time ago – in first grade).

“The student does not prepare for exams because he believes that preparation will not affect anything – in the previous exams, for which he was preparing, he was unlucky with the tickets or teachers: he came across one of a hundred questions, to which he did not know the answer, the teacher fundamentally undervalued all the marks – and he got bad marks.

The employee does not ask for a promotion, and maybe even refuses it – he is afraid that he will not cope with his new responsibilities. He does not cope very well with the current ones either – he sees no point in trying harder, because he won’t be promoted anyway.”

What do all these examples have in common?

• Negative experiences that may have occurred in early childhood or a couple of years ago.
• Living conditions that do not satisfy the person.
• Lack of real attempts to change these conditions. Real, i.e. those which could lead to a good result, and not those which will only prove a general rule (“unreal” attempt – when a student starts to prepare for an exam the night before, does not pass and becomes convinced that preparation is useless).
• Having real opportunities to change your life. This item is the most difficult to self-assess in the case of learned helplessness. Instead of opportunities, only difficulties, obstacles and other reasons for inaction are seen.
• Negative thoughts leading to behaviors that only confirm their validity.

Additionally, learned helplessness often coincides with the presence of “helplessness” and “unsuccess” schemes (concepts from schema therapy, where a schema is a model of behavior and a system of beliefs about the world, acquired in childhood).

Questions to check yourself for “helplessness” and “failure” patterns

• I depend a lot on other people in my daily life.
• I lack common sense.
• In life situations, my opinion cannot be relied upon.
• I lack confidence in my ability to deal with the everyday problems that constantly arise.
• Almost everything I do at work (in my studies) is not as good as other people might do.
• I am not capable of succeeding.
• Most people achieve better results at work than I do.
• I am not as talented at work as most other people.
• When it comes to work or study, I am not as savvy as most other people.
• I don’t think I’m capable of handling everyday tasks on my own.

(Questions are taken from Jeffrey Young’s YSQ-S3R test

Rate how true each of these statements is on a six-point scale, where:

1 – absolutely does not correspond;
2 – mostly doesn’t correspond;
3 – corresponds more likely than not;
4 – corresponds in general;
5 – corresponds to the most part;
6 – completely corresponds.

If you score 4 or more on at least two or three questions, that’s a reason to wonder if learned helplessness sometimes manifests itself in some areas of your life.

Causes of learned helplessness

So how does learned helplessness arise? To understand this, it is necessary to know how behavior is formed in general. As a rule, a positive result of our actions (or the absence of negative consequences) leads to the consolidation of these actions in our behavior. This is called “operant conditioning.”

We tried ice cream and liked it. We did our homework and got an A. We worked hard and got promoted. We were unhappy in our relationship and ended it, and we survived. Or, we witnessed similar things in our early childhood (through the example of our parents and other close people).

“If we analyse an example from cognitive-behavioral therapy, you can say that the following chain is formed in our head: ice cream is offered (situation) – “I already ate, it was delicious” (automatic thought) – joy, anticipation (emotions) – decision to eat ice cream (behavior) – pleasure, confirming the thought that ice cream is delicious (result).”

You need to do homework (situation) – “I’ll handle it and get an A” (automatic thought) – calmness, motivation (emotions) – completing the task (behavior) – getting an A, confirmation of confidence in own abilities (result).

In order to form helplessness, you have to do just the opposite: put the person in conditions where his actions will not affect the outcome. For example, if you don’t help your child with schoolwork when he asks for it as a child, most likely, he will learn that it is useless to ask for help – no one will help anyway, and if he will not be able to do the tasks himself, he will decide that nothing will work out, no matter how hard he tries.

If, on the contrary, you overprotect your child, not letting him do anything by himself – neither do the dishes, nor go for a walk in the yard – he will decide that his own strength, skills and knowledge are not enough for anything, and the world is too complicated and dangerous.

“Similarly, a manager may not encourage subordinates for their successes or hold them accountable for things they are unable to influence. For example, scolding doctors for unjustified patient complaints. To reinforce the effect, this is repeated several times. And then in the person’s mind will prevail such a scheme:

need to do homework – “I can’t do it, I won’t be able to, I’ll get an F” – anxiety – procrastination – getting an F, reinforcing the thought “I can’t” and the next time the same behavior.”

As a result a vicious circle is formed.

How to get rid of learned helplessness

“What can learned helplessness lead to? Firstly, to a decline in the quality of life. Next, depression and anxiety disorders are possible. The state of helplessness is present in their structure very often.

The main difficulty in solving this problem is an objective assessment of oneself. Learned helplessness is a “filter” that does not allow you to see all the possible options and alternatives.

However, it is possible to fight this filter. The goal is to break the vicious circle, that is, to practice behavior that will lead to positive results and reduce belief in the veracity of negative thoughts.

1. Identify the areas of helplessness in your life. What would you like to improve? What are you not satisfied with?
2. “Think about how you can improve, change, or fix what you don’t like. Come up with as many options as possible. You can call for help from loved ones and have a joint brainstorming session – they may offer ideas that you wouldn’t have thought of alone. Incidentally, in this situation, learned helplessness can manifest if thoughts like “there’s no point in trying,” “it won’t work out anyways,” “it doesn’t depend on me,” “it’s too difficult” come to mind. Assess the thoughts objectively: are they true, what are the arguments for their truth, what are the arguments against. It’s better to do this in writing (even if the thought “it’s all pointless” comes to mind). If the arguments are based on previous experience, ask yourself if it is relevant, if the situation has changed since then. Additionally, you can imagine that your friend is in the same situation. What would you tell him? “Don’t try, leave it, it won’t work out” or something else?”
3. Think of a time when you were able to do something, succeeded, received praise (even if it seems like a small thing). Memories of how something worked out when you didn’t believe in success will be especially valuable.
4. When you have realized that some of your thoughts were skewed, and have made a plan of action based on more objective thinking, begin to act. It is important that these be the very real actions.
5. Don’t give up, even if it seems like “it’s definitely not going to work,” fight the negative projections that arise in your head. Such attitudes are quite tenacious (they probably did not form overnight), so it will take some time to remove them from your mind. This is normal.
6. Record the result, no matter what it is. Analyze whether you gained something useful from your new behavior. Even if the outcome is far from the level you strive for, you will undoubtedly find something valuable in this experience. Nothing? What if you think more about it?
7. Praise yourself. This is important.

Repeat all the points several times. To form an adequate assessment and consolidate objective thinking, a little more experience is needed than “I tried it once.” This can be truly difficult, so you can always turn to a specialist for help.