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To achieve our desired outcome through conversation, we need to prepare. Everyone can benefit from mastering the art of negotiation, which involves achieving our goals through conversation, not just in professional settings but also in everyday life, such as while communicating with salespeople, colleagues, or at social events.
According to American negotiator Jim Camp, preparing for a conversation, being able to refuse, and focusing on what we can change helps us protect our position in a negotiation. We have compiled the essential advice from his book “Start with No.”
TIP #1 – Do not show neediness
Entering a negotiation process with a strong desire to achieve results can lead to a weak position. The individual may stop thinking rationally and become so eager to sign a contract that they agree to any conditions.
Neediness can manifest in several ways, such as a lack of self-confidence, fear of rejection, or excessive talkativeness to appear clever. Experienced negotiators can quickly sense these weaknesses in their opponents, take advantage of them, and negotiate a deal advantageous to themselves.
What can be done?
Changing your mindset can be helpful. Camp recommends approaching negotiations from a position of desire, starting with “I want” instead of “I need.”
Even if the deal is crucial, try to forget about it during the negotiation. Instead, confidently state your position, such as saying, “Your project sounds fascinating, and I want to work with you.” This approach may convey confidence and build trust with the individuals on the other side of the table.
When negotiations become too emotional and tense, a high and piercing tone of voice is a sure sign of a need. Hasty responses are another clear indication. Therefore, when experiencing inner turmoil or strong emotions, lower the tone of your voice. Slow down.
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TIP #2 – Don’t settle for compromise.
Camp criticizes the widespread model of win-win negotiations, where the interests of both sides are taken into account, and each participant gets what they want. This approach is ideal when everyone can benefit, but it can also result in a significant loss for one party.
If you immediately compromise in negotiations, you run the risk of conceding to your opponent. For instance, when negotiating with a potential client, it’s more crucial to comprehend their goals and objectives rather than attempting to find a “middle ground” to close the deal.
Compromising in negotiations can lead to losing- conceding to your opponent, lowering the price, and seeking other concessions in your position. In the end, you may end up making an unfavorable deal.
What can be done?
Before agreeing to a compromise at the negotiating table, ask yourself: “What will happen if I refuse? What are the risks and benefits?”
Do not be afraid to reject a potential business partner. On the contrary, this action can help you inquire about the reasons behind their decision and find a better solution to the situation.
When negotiating with your neighbor over when to start preparing coals for a common barbecue, the win-to-win approach may be effective. However, when facing tough and seasoned negotiation experts in the real business world, you require different strategies.
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TIP #3 – Use your right to say “no”
Negotiators sober up by having the ability to say “no” and accept rejection, which helps them make rational decisions without emotions. Refusal allows negotiators to think about the reasons for being rejected, empathize with the potential client’s struggles, and possibly explore better solutions to reach an agreement.
Camp states that it is normal to be refused or to refuse the opponent at any given time.
What can be done?
Camp recommends beginning a conversation by addressing the right to say “no” and getting straight to business. For instance, negotiators can say, “Please don’t hesitate to say ‘no’ if there’s anything you don’t like. You won’t offend me. You have the right to refuse at any time.” Additionally, it’s helpful to ask questions calmly and with interest about any “no” response from the interlocutor.
Suppose a client indicates that three months is too long to create a website. The negotiator can ask why and learn that the client plans to launch advertising on the website in April because of a major exhibition in March. This understanding presents an opportunity to find a solution by launching some sections of the website by March and completing the remaining pages by April. Further clarification can be sought by asking questions such as, “Can you tell me what is needed for the exhibition and what should be on the website?”
If the opponent feels that it is safe to say “no”, he feels comfortable hearing “no” from you. Barriers crumble, trust grows, everyone feels freer and more confident, and they begin to behave more honestly and naturally.
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TIP #4 – Being “out of order”
Negotiators can be scared and create barriers when they strive for perfection. When they imagine an ideal interlocutor who arrives for a meeting five minutes before the start in pressed clothes and has an answer to any question, they may feel the pressure not to lose face. As a result, communication becomes uncomfortable, and the opponent may withhold their pains and problem areas, avoiding talking about what they strongly disagree with.
Camp suggests being a little “out of order,” which means not being afraid to show one’s imperfections. Being a sincere person is much more attractive than pretending to be an all-knowing professional. When people see someone who does not fully meet their important criteria, they begin to feel free and confident.
What can be done?
Camp recommends a simple but very effective technique: when you go to the first negotiations with a partner or client, leave your pen, notebook, portfolio, or business cards at home. This small detail challenges the concept of perfectionism and helps to ease the atmosphere.
The more difficult the negotiations, the more important it is to understand that if someone in this room should be ‘out of order’ – it’s you, not your opponent. When the opponent feels ‘out of order,’ barriers will arise much faster than you can break them down. But such a feeling on your part breaks down barriers – and often it looks like magic.
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TIP #5 – “Fishing slack”
Fishermen use a technique called “fishing slack”: when the fish swallows the bait, they release it a little before hooking it. The same approach can be applied to negotiations – rather than pushing your opponent, it can be more effective to pull them back a little to restore emotional balance. According to Camp, successful deals are made in a state of neutral emotional range.
What can be done?
When your opponent is too negative or positive during negotiations, avoid arguing with them or agreeing immediately. Negativity may make it hard for them to perceive your arguments rationally, while positivity may lead to hastily agreeing to terms that may not work, subsequently breaking the deal. Instead, try to calm down your interlocutor by pulling them towards the emotionally opposite side.
- Reaction to negative emotions: if your partner is unsure of your competence during negotiations, you can agree with them. For example, say, “If you’re not sure about my competence and that I can handle your task, you shouldn’t do business with me.”
- Reaction to positive emotions: stop the opponent if they are willing to sign a contract without hesitation. Say, “I am very pleased with your enthusiasm. I want to ask: are you absolutely sure you want to sign the contract?”
If the ‘fishing line poisoning’ technique is used effectively, like other behavioral goals, it allows the opponent to verify the information received and justify the decisions they made earlier.
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TIP #6 – Ask open-ended questions
In negotiations, the negotiator’s primary task is to identify the interlocutor’s wants and needs. This involves exploring their objectives, the reasons for pursuing them at this time, how the negotiator can assist them in achieving their goals, their expectations, and the solution they envision. Asking questions and seeking to understand the interlocutor’s motives is crucial and the negotiator should not hesitate to do so.
What can be done?
To gain a better understanding of the client’s task, pain points, expectations, and desires, one should ask open-ended questions that cannot be answered with a simple “yes,” “no,” or “maybe.”
Camp believes that questions that attempt to persuade the listener of something are a waste of time, such as:
- Isn’t this really what you want?
- Can you agree with this?
- Are there any reasons why you can’t agree with this?
Instead, it’s worth focusing on interrogative words like “who,” “what,” “when,” “where,” “why,” and “how.” For example, negotiations could begin with a straightforward question like “What do you want from me?”
Asking questions is both a science and an art. The science lies in how you mentally construct the question. The art is in how you ask it: the tone you use, the words you choose, how you conduct yourself, and what remarks precede your question.
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TIP #7 – Remember your mission
The problem is that you should only start negotiations after determining the principles you will not compromise on: it is important to understand the ultimate goals of your communication. A formulated mission helps you not forget why you are doing something in the first place.
It is unlikely that you should use selfish principles: people want to work with those who are interesting to them. If you simply desire power and money, your opponent will feel it and may not want to deal with such an interlocutor.
What can be done?
In order to formulate the mission of the negotiations in advance as an appeal to the interlocutor, you should answer the question of what you want and how you can help them. It’s important to understand the goals and objectives of the client beforehand. For instance, you may aim to help the client enter the international market or increase their sales.
When conducting negotiations, periodically reminding yourself of the mission and comparing yourself with it is important.
As soon as you have a mission, you will be able to manage your emotions and make successful decisions. When every decision you make, even if it turns out not to be very successful, corresponds to a clearly expressed mission, you will eventually stop making mistakes.
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