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How to calm fears and let kids know what to expect, for a smoother visit for everyone.
What You’ll Learn
- How can parents help kids feel less afraid at the doctor?
- What can doctors can do to help kids who are scared?
- How can parents manage their own worries at doctor’s visits?
Let’s be honest: Most of us dread doctor appointments, but when children fear going to the doctor, parents know that even routine checkups can escalate into significant emotional breakdowns. To help your family’s next visit go more smoothly, we have compiled some tips.
Be clear
According to clinical psychologist Rachel Busman, PsyD, knowing what to expect can be a significant help for children who fear going to the doctor. “When kids are anxious about going to the doctor, they often imagine something much worse than what is actually going to happen,” she explains. “They may worry that everything is going to hurt or think that having to visit the doctor means they’re sick.”
Dr. Busman also suggests that children who are surprised by a shot or a long wait are more likely to become anxious or upset compared to those who have had time to prepare. To help your child manage their expectations and anxiety, it is recommended to lay out each step of the appointment in a clear and detailed manner. Instead of using vague or general terms such as “The doctor is going to give you a check-up,” explain each step in a way that your child can easily understand, such as “After we go into the exam room, the doctor will use a tool called a stethoscope to listen to your heartbeat.”
Don’t over-promise
Dr. Bernhard Wiedermann, an infectious diseases physician at Children’s National Health System in Washington D.C., advises parents not to lie to their children if they are fixating on whether they will get a shot or not. It’s important to be honest about what is known and what is not. Even if it’s tempting to reassure them, it’s better to say, “I’m not sure, but we can ask the doctor as we get there.” Being straightforward will help build trust and prevent the child from feeling betrayed or blindsided if things don’t go as planned.
Validate feelings
According to Dr. Busman, parents tend to say, “It will be fine! There’s nothing to be afraid of,” when their children are anxious, but in doing so, they shut the child down. Instead, parents can validate their child’s feelings and demonstrate healthy ways of coping with anxiety by sharing their own experiences. For instance, they can say, “I understand how you feel. I was really nervous before my doctor’s appointment last week, but I’m glad I went. Going to the doctor is how we stay healthy.”
Work through worries
After discussing how the doctor’s appointment will go, it’s important to give your child an opportunity to express their concerns and ask questions. According to Dr. Busman, children may not always know how to articulate their feelings, so parents should help them work through the specifics of what they’re feeling anxious about. For instance, if your child says, “I don’t want to go. I’m scared,” you can ask questions to help them narrow it down. For example, you can go over everything that’s going to happen during the appointment and ask your child to stop you when you get to something that sounds scary. This way, you can talk about how to make it less intimidating before going to the appointment.
Manage your own anxiety
If your child is sick, it’s natural to feel anxious, but it’s crucial to manage your anxiety appropriately. Dr. Wiedermann advises that parents’ anxiety can quickly rub off on their children. While it’s essential to express concerns to the doctor, it’s essential to find the appropriate time and place to do so.
Dr. Wiedermann suggests asking to speak to the doctor privately while your child is getting checked-in if you feel anxious or have questions that may not be suitable to ask in front of your child. This will help your child stay calm and give you an opportunity to inform the doctor about your concerns before the appointment begins.
Help the doctor
“As doctors we want our patients and their families to feel comfortable,” says Dr. Wiedermann , “and having feedback from parents can be very helpful.”
Some examples of useful feedback could be:
- Asking the doctor to slow down and explain things step-by-step
- Requesting she use kid-friendly language so your child can be part of the conversation
A lot of doctors who work with children have tricks to help kids feel more relaxed, but not all of them work on all kids, notes Pamela Parker, MD, a pediatrician in Silver Spring, Maryland. Hence it’s important for parents to let the doctor know what has worked for their child and what hasn’t.
For example, if a kid seems wary of the instruments, Dr. Parker says she’ll often ask him to act as her “assistant” during the visit. “I’ll say, ‘This tool helps me look in your ears. Could you help me by holding it while I get ready?’ ”
Dr. Wiedermann asserts, “We, as doctors, aim to ensure the comfort of our patients and their families, and receiving feedback from parents can be very beneficial.”
Some instances of helpful feedback may include:
- Requesting the doctor to slow down and explain things step-by-step.
- Asking the doctor to use kid-friendly language to involve the child in the conversation.
According to Pamela Parker, MD, a pediatrician in Silver Spring, Maryland, many doctors who work with children use techniques to help kids feel more at ease, but not all techniques work on all kids. Therefore, it is crucial for parents to inform the doctor of what has worked for their child and what has not.
For instance, if a child appears to be apprehensive of the medical tools, Dr. Parker often requests the child to act as her “assistant” during the visit. Dr. Parker states, “I’ll ask the child, ‘This tool helps me look in your ears. Could you help me by holding it while I get ready?'”
According to Dr. Parker, for some children, being involved in the medical process is beneficial, while others may not find it helpful. Dr. Parker explains, “It’s not always immediately evident how children are feeling during their medical examination. Therefore, it is useful for us if parents inform us by saying, ‘He really enjoyed being your helper during the last visit. Could you involve him again?’ or ‘I don’t think he enjoyed holding the stethoscope last time. Could we try something different this time?'”
Bring distractions
Ideally, every child would be seen by their doctor at the scheduled time, but it is more probable that parents may have to spend some time waiting in the doctor’s waiting room. Although most pediatricians’ offices offer toys, relying on an outdated issue of Highlights magazine may not be sufficient to keep an anxious child calm. Instead, parents should allow their child to select a favorite game or book to bring along, which will help keep their mind occupied while waiting.
The straight talk on shots
Dr. Busman emphasizes the importance of framing shots in a rational way. He advises parents to be straightforward and explain that while nobody likes getting shots, they are necessary for good health. Here are some additional tips to help make getting shots less daunting for kids:
- Make it quick: If possible, ask the doctor’s office if the shot can be given at the beginning of the visit to avoid added anxiety.
- Don’t put it off: Avoid giving in to your child’s attempts to avoid getting the shot. Delaying it will only make the experience more difficult in the long run.
- Put it in perspective: Help your child understand that the fear of getting a shot is usually worse than the shot itself. Remind them of the last time they received a shot, how it was over quickly, and they went about their day.
- Get it over with: Some kids may experience needle phobia and become unreasonable. In such cases, parents should remain calm and help the child stay as relaxed as possible. Once the shot is over, most kids will realize it wasn’t as bad as they had imagined, and it’s best to move on quickly.
After the shot is over, it is important to offer praise and positive reinforcement to your child. Let them know that you are proud of them for being brave and getting through the experience despite being scared. Positive feedback like “You did it!” or “You were really brave!” can help reinforce positive associations with receiving shots and make the experience less daunting in the future.
When anxiety means something more
While it’s normal for most kids to feel a little anxious about going to the doctor, severe or persistent anxiety could be a sign of a more serious issue. As a parent, it’s important to watch for signs that your child’s anxiety may be excessive. These signs may include your child worrying about a doctor’s visit for weeks or even months before it’s scheduled, frequently expressing concerns about serious illness or death, obsessing about the visit or health after the appointment, or being unable to focus on other activities due to anxiety about visiting the doctor.
If you notice any of these signs in your child, it may be time to consider having them evaluated by a professional to address any underlying issues that may be contributing to their anxiety.
The bottom line
Although your child may never enjoy going to the doctor, it remains a necessary part of staying healthy throughout their life. Developing the tools and resilience needed to manage anxiety will help them make future visits less stressful for everyone involved.
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