Conquering Self-Doubt: Understanding the Inner Critic

Some individuals criticize themselves severely for even the slightest mistake, labeling themselves as incompetent and inadequate. They wrongly assume that others perceive them in the same light, but in reality, such thoughts arise from their inner critic.

In popular psychology, the internal critic refers to a negative voice that constantly harangues a person’s mind. It relentlessly highlights flaws, scrutinizes failures, laziness, and egocentric behavior. Worst of all, it never ceases. If left uncontrolled, it can engender doubts about decision-making, skills, knowledge, and abilities.

The concept of the internal critic is believed to have been initiated by Sigmund Freud. He regarded the critic as a censor, which forms part of the psychological apparatus that helps individuals to suppress unconscious malevolent thoughts and yearnings, rendering them more acceptable from social, moral, and cultural standpoints.

Modern researchers have varying opinions about Freud’s concept. Ian Cross, a professor at the University of Michigan and the author of the book “Inner Voice,” believes that internal criticism should be regarded as a normal aspect of psychology. According to him, its purpose is not only to control and suppress negative experiences but also to analyze them and give them an evaluation, which prevents their recurrence in the future. Cross argues that a certain amount of internal criticism is helpful as it enables individuals to understand the reasons for their mistakes, learn from them, and remain motivated for future progress.

However, problems arise when the critical voice becomes too overpowering and severe, suppressing other thoughts. This impedes a person’s ability to evaluate their actions objectively, leading to mood swings, decreased self-esteem and productivity, and strained relationships with others.

If your inner critic has become overly active, you may experience thoughts and attitudes such as:

• “I’m a worthless failure”
• “My boss didn’t provide any feedback on my work. It must be terrible”
• “I got another low score on the test. I must be incredibly stupid”
• “Why am I even bothering? I know I can’t handle it”
• “I always mess everything up”

Why does the inner voice arise?

The inner voice serves numerous functions, regardless of whether it is critical or not. It helps to retain information, reflect on actions, regulate emotions, analyze possible scenarios, and develop personal views of oneself and the world.

The tone of an individual’s inner voice is established during early childhood, in parallel with their speech. The inner dialogue’s tone is influenced by cultural and social attitudes absorbed in childhood, often derived from parents. Children listen to how their parents talk to them and to each other, internalizing their attitudes and behavior patterns, which will influence their inner dialogue’s tone. Depending on the situation, the inner voice can be friendly or strict and critical. When the inner voice is overly critical, the individual is likely to experience anxiety, fear, and uncertainty.

Some psychologists believe that children who were frequently scolded and punished for misbehavior may internalize such patterns of behavior. As adults, this could lead to an amplified tendency towards self-blame and perfectionism. These individuals are prone to harshly criticizing themselves for even minor mistakes and will not forgive themselves for weaknesses.

Why is it dangerous?

The inner critic seriously increases anxiety levels and makes individuals focus on the negative, affecting cognitive abilities and attention. Suppression of anxiety utilizes brain resources, which results in poor performance in exams for students, stage fright for actors, and reduction in the price of goods for salespeople, according to studies.

Constant self-doubt fueled by the inner critic causes people to fear trying new things, taking on challenging tasks, and taking risks. This can limit their opportunities in life and career and lead to the impostor syndrome, where individuals believe that they are incapable of performing their job, and others will soon realize it.

Internal criticism damages relationships and communication by causing individuals to limit their interactions with others, in an effort to avoid making what they perceive as an unforgivable mistake. They also place greater demands on their loved ones and family, expecting them to bolster their fragile self-esteem and holding them responsible for any problems that they are unable to manage on their own.

The negative emotions that result from internal criticism can trigger a stress response in the body, which may become chronic if left unchecked over time. Furthermore, a major American study published in 2013 demonstrated that continual negativity and self-blame can contribute to the onset of anxiety and depressive disorders.

What can be done?

Eliminating the inner critic is both unnecessary and unfeasible. However, psychologists like Ian Cross propose several steps that can assist in managing it.

Step 1

Familiarize yourself with your inner critic. Some individuals may not always recognize when they are being excessively self-critical. To address this, it is necessary to start paying attention to one’s mood. If an individual frequently feels overly anxious before an event or consistently experiences feelings of depression after work, it could be a sign that their inner critic has taken control. One approach is to concentrate on the thoughts that triggered these feelings and make a record of them.

Step 2

Create a separation between yourself and the inner critic. For instance, come up with a distinct name for them, such as “Nerd,” and begin using it. Suppose the critic says once again that an individual is incapable of doing anything correctly. In that case, the individual should acknowledge this statement and mentally reply with, “Thank you, Nerd. I appreciate your opinion.” According to psychologists, this unusual technique can assist in ceasing the association between the inner critic and oneself. Individuals may begin to place less trust in the critic’s words, and the critic will subsequently lose control over their inner state.

Step 3

Verify everything that the inner critic tells you. Individuals cannot objectively assess themselves due to stereotypes, biases, and internal distortions. Therefore, the thoughts imposed on an individual by their inner critic, no matter how accurate or reasonable they may appear, may not reflect reality. It is critical not to believe them.

To confirm this, individuals should recall their previous experiences. For instance, if the critic informs an individual that they will undoubtedly fail at something, they should consider whether they have encountered comparable situations previously. If they have successfully navigated such situations in the past, the critic is providing false information, and it is not advisable to pay attention to them in this circumstance.

Step 4

Analyze the situation for which you received criticism by asking yourself questions. Examples include:

• “Is it true that this one mistake makes me a complete failure? Or is it just evidence that I am an ordinary, imperfect person?”
• “Does my boss scolding me mean that they consider me a complete failure? Or did they have a bad day?”
• “If a friend hasn’t responded to my message for a couple of hours, does that mean they hate me? Or could they just be busy?”

This exercise can help individuals become more objective and view the situation that concerned them and their inner critic from a different perspective.

Step 5

Replace negative self-talk with positive self-talk and show empathy towards yourself. When an individual makes a mistake, instead of scolding themselves as they usually do, they should feel sorry for themselves. However, they should not absolve themselves of responsibility. Instead, they should tell themselves that they are in a difficult situation, and it hurts and shames them, and they regret what happened.

According to research, positive self-talk helps individuals calm down faster, reduces stress levels, and enables them to recover more quickly and manage the consequences of their mistakes.

Initially, being kind to oneself can be challenging. To avoid this, individuals can imagine talking to a friend who has made a mistake and repeat their words. Breathing exercises, meditation, and psychotherapy are also effective methods to combat the inner critic, according to studies.